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An April’s Fool Satire

Winning Gold in the Olympics

At the 2021 Summer Olympics in Tokyo, the Prime Minister of Nepal made a solemn promise to the world and his country:

“Nepal aims to win a gold medal in the Olympics 100 meters race by 2045.”

We will achieve this, the Prime Minister said. “By 2030, 15% of our men and women will be beating the Olympics qualifying time for the 100 meters races.”

Excited by the opportunity to assist Nepal achieve its sporting ambition, many donors and development partners immediately stepped in with bountiful offers of support. Studies were undertaken, analysis conducted, workshops at 5-star hotels held, exposure visits to foreign countries organized.

One fateful evening, a wise adviser suddenly got up and offered the Sports Minister a simple solution.

“Solar,” the wise advisor said.

“Solar?” the minister asked, puzzled.

“Just like the Ministry of Energy and Nepal Electricity Authority (NEA) are going to build 100s of MW of solar plant and achieve the goal of 15% of total energy demand coming from clean energy sources (like solar) without having even built the first 1%, so will we. We will win a gold medal in the 100 meters race at the Olympics without ever having qualified for the event before.”

“How?” the minster enquired, intrigued.

“Simple,” the wise advisor said. “We will set a qualifying time of 9.58 seconds to qualify for Nepal’s national 100 meters team. 9.58 seconds is Usain Bolt’s world record in 100 meters set in Berlin in 2009. Any Nepali who beats that time will qualify for Nepal’s national team and most certainly win the Olympic gold in the event.”

The minister was so aghast by the great wisdom of the wise advisor that she almost put her drink down, only to realize it was probably better to gulp it down.

The next morning, the Sports Minister announced a press conference to explain how Nepal would meet the Prime Minister’s commitment of securing a gold at the Olympics 100 meters by 2045.

“Our sports policy will be to set a national qualifying time of 9.58 seconds for the 100 meters. Anyone who qualifies will certainly win gold at the Olympics,” the minister announced proudly with a glowing smile full of confidence.

“Minster,” a puzzled reported asked meekly, “Nepal’s best time for 100 meters men is 10.5 seconds and 12.19 for women. With those times, who will qualify for the Nepal’s national team – no one will.”

“Just because you cannot doesn’t mean other Nepalis cannot,” the minister replied dismissively. “If Usain Bolt can do it, why can’t Nepalis.”
“But minister,” the reported continued undeterred, “Usain Bolt had training, stadium, coaching. He earned $90 million just from his racing career. What do our athletes get?”

“Stop speaking negative only,” the minister snarled back angrily. “Look at how Ministry and NEA have done it on solar. Ministry and NEA are going to build 100s of MW of solar and achieve the goal of 15% of total energy demand from clean energy without having built the first 1%. Now, they have even lowered the tariff for solar to just NPR 5.9 per unit.”

By 2045, Nepal will have won several gold medals in Olympic 100 meters and holds the Olympic and world record for the event. Congratulations in advance to all of us.

How Nepal Built 100s of MW of Solar Plant

At the 2021 Climate Change Conference of Parties (COP 26) in Glasgow, the Prime Minister of Nepal made a solemn promise to the world and his country:

“Nepal aims to reach a net zero emission by 2045.”

We will achieve this, the Prime Minister said, by ensuring that 15% of the total energy demand is supplied from clean energy sources (like solar).   
Excited by the opportunity to assist Nepal achieve its clean energy ambitions, many donors and development partners immediately stepped in with bountiful offers of support. Studies were undertaken, analysis conducted, workshops at 5-star hotels held, exposure visits to foreign countries organized.

One fateful evening, a wise adviser suddenly got up and offered the Energy Minister a simple solution.

“Olympic 100 meters gold,” the wise advisor said.

“Olympic 100 meters gold?” the minister asked, puzzled.

“Just like the Sports Ministry are going to have Nepal win a 100 meters gold in the Olympics without ever having even qualified for the event, so will we. We will install 100s of MW of solar plants and achieve the target of 15% of total energy demand from clean energy sources like solar without even having built the first 1%.”

“How?” the minster enquired, intrigued.

“Simple,” the wise advisor said. “We will lower the tariff NEA offers for solar electricity from the current rate of NPR 7.3 / unit to NPR 5.9 / unit. If thousands of MWs of solar plants are lining up to offer solar electricity at even lower rates in India, surely, we will get lots of solar plants in Nepal too.”

The minister was so aghast by the great wisdom of the wise advisor that she almost put her drink down, only to realize it was probably better to gulp it down.

The next morning, the Energy Minister announced a press conference to explain how Nepal would meet the Prime Minister’s commitment of securing 15% of the total energy demand comes from clean energy sources (like solar).

“Our policy for solar tariff will now be lowered to NPR 5.9 per unit. Anyone who offers solar electricity at a price lower than this can build the plant,” the minister announced proudly with a glowing smile full of confidence.

“Minster,” a puzzled reported asked meekly, “Even at the current solar tariff of NPR 7.3 / units, there is hardly anyone building any solar plants. Those stupid enough to have built it have lost money or will lose money. Who will build at an even lower tariff of NPR 5.9 / unit – no one will.”
“Just because you cannot doesn’t mean other Nepalis cannot,” the minister replied dismissively. “If India can build 100s of GW at INR 2 / unit, why can’t Nepal.”

“But minister,” the reported continued undeterred, “Indian solar policy offers many facilities: land, resources, access, technology. They can raise billions of dollars in investment. What do our solar plants get?”
“Stop speaking negative only,” the minister snarled back angrily. “Look at how the sports ministry have done it on the 100 meters. They are going to win a gold in the Olympics 100 meters without ever even qualifying for the event.

All they have done is lower Nepal’s national qualifying time to the world record time. We should learn from them – lower the tariff to the lowest Indian solar tariff and 100s of MW will come forward to build.”

By 2045, Nepal will be net zero and far more than 15% of its total energy demand will come from clean energy sources like solar. Congratulations in advance to all of us.

प्रतिक्रिया दिनुहोस

Bishal Thapa

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